Cyber Launch Party Day 15: Melissa Marr

Welcome to Day 15 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

A couple things before we get to the partying. Tomorrow (Sat, Aug 1), I'm doing a fabulous event with at the Old Town School of Folk Music with authors Joe Meno, Billy Lombardo and Megan Stielstra. And there will be musical accompaniment by The Astronomer band and Canasta, and photo projections from Jay Ryan and Todd Baxter. The event starts at 8 pm and it's a ticketed event, but Joe Meno just let me know that if you buy your tickets in advance and use the password SQUID, you get them for 10$ instead of 15$. Here's where you can get them.

Also I did another personal ballad as a guest blog for Just Blinded Book Reviews on the Traveling To Teens Tour. You can find here. It's about being the geeky girl outcast in junior high, complete with picture of me playing nintendo circa age 11.

Lastly, I blogged at MTV Books today about the books that influenced me the most as a teen (The Hanged Man and Girl Power) and how those two authors (Francesca Lia Block and Hillary Carlip) actually did a book together (Zine Scene) that marked my first publication!

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets Zombie Queen of Newbury High from Amanda Ashby! And that winner is Annika... from Blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week! And the weekend is a great time to catch up so....

Here's our week in review:

Day 11: Melissa Walker and up for grabs is her book Lovestruck Summer. Deadline Monday 8/3

Day 12: Vanessa Barneveld and up for grabs is a CD, EP, and t-shirt from the fabulous Aussie band, The Model School. Deadline Tuesday 8/4

Day 13: I blogged and up for for grabs is Ballads of Suburbia and a copy of my last zine. Deadline Wednesday 8/5

Day 14: Lauren Baratz-Logsted and up for grabs is Ballads of Suburbia taffy. Deadline Thursday 8/6

So enter, enter, enter and win!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Melissa Marr!
Melissa Marr is the author of NY Times bestsellers Wicked Lovely, Ink Exchange, and Fragile Eternity. You can find her online here.


Here's Melissa's ballad:

“I'm down to just one thing.
And I'm starting to scare myself.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I just want something.
I just want something I can never have” (NIN, “Something I Can Never Have,” Pretty Hate Machine, 1989).

I graduated high school in 1990. This CD released the fall of 89. Like innumerable other people, I was certain then that Trent Reznor was singing Truth. He got it. He had the words for the things that I felt. Twenty years later, there are days, I sill think that.

What I wanted, more often than not, was to be still and silent inside. The most reliable way to do that was sensory overload. Drive faster. Drink more. Party. Try that. Get numb. Turn up the volume. And, at the end of it all, fuck. Repeat as necessary.

Now, I don’t do regrets because who I am now is a result of everything I’ve known, but no regrets doesn’t mean no worries. I’ve done things (and people) I don’t remember. I’ve done other things I won’t admit even now. We can play the psych games (and I had a dear friend who is a shrink, so I’ve heard them already), but the truth is that knowing why one gets destructive doesn’t change the results. I was. It passed.

Back then we were all a mess. We pulled in to pick up my ex-boyfriend one night as he was thrown through a window by his stepdad. My best friends included one who was a mother by 15, one who was on the phone with her father when he shot himself, my on-again-off-again sweetie who had an abusive father and did acid almost daily, another friend who was on her way to being a junkie. Our friends were almost all in and out of the system. We weren’t the folks who made the posters for Brightest Futures Ahead. (Some, not all, of us made it though.)

I’d tie this song to one specific moment, but it played often enough that it belongs to more than a few moments—good and less good. It’s in the house as I walk out of a party, too drunk and high to be walking anywhere, barefoot in the snow, and it’s in the car after someone’s graduation as we’re laughing and hanging out the open-roof of our car while Sunshine is flirting with strangers in a limo next to us at a stoplight.

Trent Reznor sang the Truth as we knew it.

Today's Contest:
I'm going to say what I say whenever I read something Melissa wrote. Wow, just wow. I feel this. I've been there. The friends were in slightly different situations, but yeah. Just yeah. This is one of the guest ballads that knocked the wind out of me. I kind of purposely choose to begin and end the week with total whammies that both happened to be by writers named Melissa.

Oh and that's one of my favorite NIN songs. Yeah.

Anyway, contest. It's hard for me to pick favorites among books written by authors I love, but INK EXCHANGE punched me in the chest the same way Melissa's ballad did and she is kind enough to put a signed copy up for grabs as the prize today! You can read it even if you haven't read WICKED LOVELY, but um, if you haven't read WL, do it!

As usual to enter the contest, just leave a comment about Melissa's ballad or that band or singer that just is/was Truth to you in high school. (I had many, including NIN, but also Nirvana and Rancid and probably most of all, Hole. Say what you will about Courtney Love now but in 1994 she was patron saint to girls like me.)

And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Friday August 7.

Monday's Guest:

On Monday, Jeri Smith-Ready, author of Wicked Game and Bad to the Bone will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 14: Lauren Baratz-Logsted

Welcome to Day 14 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second from Drew Ferguson! And that winner is... Marina from blogger! See guys, the more you enter, the more you win. I have Marina's addy so I will pass it along. Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Lauren Baratz-Logsted!

Lauren Baratz-Logsted has sold twenty books to six publishers since 2003. Her published novels include The Thin Pink Line and Vertigo for adults; Angel’s Choice for teens, Me, In Between for tweens; and the first four of The Sisters 8, a nine-book series for young readers, co-written with her novelist husband Greg Logsted and their nine-year-old daughter Jackie. Her next published book will be the YA novel Crazy Beautiful, due out in September. Lauren still lives in Danbury, CT, where she writes and reads pretty much all the time. You can read more about Lauren's life and work (and contact her) at www.laurenbaratzlogsted.com and at www.sisterseight.com.

Here's Lauren's ballad:
TRUE CONFESSION OF A MUSIC LYRICS IDIOT:

Recently, I was asked in an interview if there'd been a playlist I listened to when writing CRAZY BEAUTIFUL. There wasn't, never is for me. But then it occurred to me that at least there was a song that reminds me of the dual lead characters, Lucius Wolfe, the boy with hooks for hands, and Aurora Belle, the girl as gorgeous as her name. That song is "Lonely No More" by Rob Thomas.

Now here's the confession part.

Up until not all that long ago, I thought the lyrics of one part of the song were, "Open up to me, and let me do your girlfriends." I still adored the song, but every time I heard it I'd think, "Let me DO your girlfriends??? Like that's going to help you win the girl back???" But then one day, with time on my hands, I googled the lyrics and discovered the line is in reality, "Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends." Oh. Oh, I see. Well, that does make a difference.

Story of my life: I am a music lyrics moron. Who knows what all else I might be missing???

Today's Contest:
Since Lauren's book Crazy Beautiful isn't out yet (but aren't we all just dying to read it? I know I am!!!), I'm going to handle today's prize, so the winner is going to receive Ballads of Suburbia Taffy!
Cuz sometimes it sounds like the singer is eating taffy and that's why you can't understand the lyrics.... Okay that was a terrible joke.

Anyway to enter to win the taffy (which is delish and you get a freakin' pound of it), just leave a comment about Lauren's ballad. Maybe tell us about the lyrics you misheard. And as always, you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Thursday August 6.

I've misheard a lot over the years, but one of my favorite mishears was in "Asking For It" by Hole, she says, "Wild-eye, rot-gut do me in," which is certainly more poetic than what I heard: "While I rock out to the end" though I think what I heard was still pretty cool. Also apparently a lot of people hear that one wrong because half of the lyrics sites have some version of my rock out lyric. But I know we're wrong because I have the sheet music for the song from when I attempted to learn it on guitar. Another mishear that I didn't figure out until years after the song came out was in "Big Empty" by Stone Temple Pilots. I heard "Time to take her home, her daisy head has gone to sleep," where as it's really "Time to take her home, her dizzy head is conscious-laden." Hey, I think my version has cooler imagery, but I guess the real version is more meaningful. Anyway...

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Melissa Marr, author of the Wicked Lovely books will be guest-blogging. She's one of my favorite authors on the planet and just an all around cool chick, so please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 13: The Ballad of a Scar

Welcome to Day 13 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets Invisible Touch from Kelly Parra! And that winner is... Diana Dang from blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Today I thought I'd share another ballad. It is my blog and I can't help taking control every now and then. As I mentioned in my last blog about the origins of Ballads of Suburbia, this book deals with a lot of issues that affected me personally. I want to speak to some of them during this party. So today's ballad is...

The Ballad of a Scar: Stephanie Kuehnert

In Ballads of Suburbia, the characters introduce their ballads with song lyrics. While I definitely have some lyrics that suit the topic I'm about to write about ("Cut my skin, it makes me human/scorn your mind, just feel the pain/When you're looking at pain, you're looking at truth/Nothing like pain to make us all the same"- The Gits), this photo really sums up my battle with self-injury best. But I'll explain it later. This is called the Ballad of a Scar because I want to start with the first scar...

The first time I cut myself it was on accident. Sort of. It happened in seventh grade. I was upset about a combination of things. My best friend and I were fighting. And I had a crush on a boy. A really nerdy boy. I was ashamed of my crush. I couldn't tell anyone about it because I feared being made fun of for liking this guy. He wasn't traditionally cute. He was a mega-nerd. But really so was I. Yet, I knew I was supposed to be aiming higher. I should just remain friends with this boy. Only sorta kinda friends. Like I should make fun of him with my friends. Even though that made me feel terrible. And worse, the nerdy boy, was pursuing someone else. I was such a hideous loser not even this boy would like me. I was trying to aim higher than him and he was trying to aim higher than me. And did I mention my best friend was being a total bitch? She kept trying to one-up me in gymnastics until finally I decided I just didn't want to do gymnastics anymore, so I quit and focused my energy on stage crew instead. She was mad at me about that. She was always mad at me that year. Her grandma had cancer and she was taking all her emotions out on me, though I didn't get that at the time. All I got was that most everyone else in school was mean to me and now my supposed best friend was being mean too and I had this crush on this boy. Ugh. The angst of being 12.

So I was taking it out the sets we were dismantling and I accidently snagged the top of my left forearm on a nail. I cried out just a little bit and tears welled up. I got pissed like I still do to this day when I accidentally stub my toe or something. But being pissed felt good. The pain in my arm felt good. It felt like I'd opened up and released some of that pent up horribleness. So instead of going to tell the stage crew manager that I'd hurt myself like I was supposed to do, I glanced around to make sure no one was looking and I ripped my arm across the nail again. Then I sighed, satisfied.

Later I would freak out a little, worried that I might get tetnus or lockjaw or some terrible ailment you get when cutting yourself on rusty metal. But I didn't tell anyone because A. being hospitalized with some terrible ailment would help me to escape school for a few days and B. probably nothing would happen and if I told, people might somehow deduce that I liked cutting myself and it wasn't right to like cutting myself, but it provided a release in away that nothing else did and I wanted to do it again.

I wrote in my journal about that first cut and all my conflicted feelings about it. I even drew a picture of where it was on my arm, pleased with the fact that I would always have a scar to remind me of how I'd felt that day. Like I needed that as a badge of survival. That scar was tiny so it faded, though I could point out to you exactly where it was. I can almost still feel it, like the way my ankle that I've sprained too many times aches in the rain, a phantom ache.

I wish I had the entry to share, but I was so worried about my friends finding out about that secret crush, I threw the journal away. When I looked for it, in hopes that I was remembering wrong, that I'd actually kept that journal, I found my eighth grade journal, which was filled with references to early cutting and other self-abuse. "I got so upset, I cut twice on my wrist and once on my ankle." "In the library today, X and I scratched up our wrists with sandpaper." Instead of carving the initials of boys I liked in trees, I scratched them into my skin with a safety pin. Unrequited love hurt and I made myself feel it.

Sandpaper, scissors, safety pins those were the weapons of choice in eighth grade as I struggled with more bullying and the best friend moving away and a series of other friendships that fell apart.

By junior year of high school, I was carrying a razor blade in my wallet and burning myself with matches or cigarettes. I'd move from unrequited love to a series of relationships that were terrible for me. Boys that loved drugs more than me or had commitment issues (or both) and then that abusive relationship. I really lost all control after that. I carved SLUT into my upper arm. I slashed up my stomach and inner thighs. I put cigarettes out on my legs.

This brings us to the point when the photo was taken. A period when I tried (unsuccessfully) to stop cutting. One of my best friends snapped that pic of my arm toward the end of junior year when I was putting together a 'zine about working through the wreckage of the abuse. I scrawled that word in black Sharpie on my arm over my scars. In the zine I included a diagram of how my arm looked beneath the words:

I tried to be strong, I tried to be a survivor, but I kept ending up angry or sobbing or both in a puddle of my own blood. I hated what I was doing to myself, but at the same time I couldn't stop. I wouldn't until my early 20s.

A lot of you are probably wondering why? Why the hell would you do that to yourself? I tried to illustrate why fictionally in Ballads of Suburbia, but to get inside of Kara's head, I had to go back inside of my own. I looked through those old zines and diary entries and found these explanations:

"My scars tell my truest stories."

"Cutting and burning myself is a release of tension, I do it to let the inner pain out. It is unhealthy, but at the time (and sometimes still) it was hard for me to voice my depression or pain, mutilation was one of the few ways I could express emotion."

"And I scar this body to make it mine because I don't understand this smooth pale skin, I don't know who it belongs to, I have no identity, but I refuse to live my life that way. I am a stranger in a strange body so I make this body mine. I tear into it with my confusion, it is not clean smooth pale cuz I am not clean smooth pale, I am torn, I am covered with random red ridges from trying to open up my insides to let out the pictures and stories stolen lost lost sucked inside a blackhole and I try to set them free, desperate attempts scratch scratch, at least these memories are permanently etched into me. at least I adapt this body to make it something I can feel somewhat comfortable in, if I only knew what comfortable meant to me."

"I was taught to trust no one, no one wanted to hear about my feelings, self mutilation was the only thing that soothed them."

"I wrote out the tales in quick slashing motions, thinking if I did it fast enough maybe someone (me?) would understand. I carved stories into the outercasing of my soul, on the most sensitive part where no one would see, I told them for me, to try to understand."

"I wanted to tear myself to pieces to make me clean, make me me, start all over again."

"Self mutilation is my addiction and I don't know when or if I'll ever completely stop. It's something I've felt ashamed about for years, so many people act like I'm crazy, "how could you do that?" and then there are some people who seem to think one does it because it is cool or fun. It's not. It's painful (mentally), it makes me angry, and it makes me feel like shit. But my scars are not ugly, they are me, they are what makes this body mine, they tell a story, a story I can only seem to tell written in my own blood."

"I carve lines into my skin hoping that instead of bleeding, light will shine through my skin like a lantern and illuminate all the thoughts and feelings that I can't seem to put into words."

"Self mutilation is not suicide, it is not my pleading for death, but rather my way to stay alive inside by purging repressed and masked feelings somehow. I crawl and scratch my way back to life and maybe someday I won't have to bleed to express feeling. Just trust me on one thing, I will survive."

I did survive. And to do so, I had to learn how to turn those feelings into words. The more I focused on writing, the less I cut. Until finally I just didn't anymore. Strangely enough I don't remember the last cut. There were many times when I consciously told myself this will be the last time, but then I'd lose control. Eventually in my early twenties when I went back to school for writing and seriously went into the therapy, it just stopped.

Does the urge come back? Sure. Especially when I was writing Ballads and going down those dark roads. But I've learned to fight my way through the ugly emotions and come up with something positive. This blog entry, it's ugly, it was hard to write, but I hope that it will be something positive. I hope it will create a sense of hope for those that do injure themselves, motivate them to find their way of healthy expression. And I hope it will create a sense of understanding for everyone else. Because I don't hide my scars. Many of them are there, quite visible between the two tattoos on my left forearm. They are not badges of honor nor are they memories like I once thought they would be. They are simply a painful truth.

Today's Contest:
It feels slightly weird to ask for comments on this, so if you are too uncomfortable to say what you are thinking feel free to just ask to be entered in the contest.

Up for grabs today is a signed copy of Ballads of Suburbia and a copy of the last zine I did when I was 17 that dealt with some of these issues.

As usual, you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Wednesday, August 5th.

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Lauren Baratz-Logsted, author of Crazy Beautiful among other fabulous books will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 12: The Ballad of Vanessa Barneveld

Welcome to Day 12 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets a signed copy of Ballads of Suburbia and some Ballads swag from me! And that winner is... Sab H from blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Vanessa Barneveld!
Vanessa Barneveld lives in Australia. When she's not busy writing YA fiction, she keeps her fingers crossed in the hope that a publishing contract will soon come her way. She's a 2009 finalist in Romance Writers of America's Golden Heart Award for unpublished authors.

You should also know that Vanessa is one of my critique partners. You will find her name in a prominent spot in the Ballads acknowledgments because I really could not have gotten through revisions without her. I think she was emailing me back at 3 am sometimes right before the book was due. And she is an amazingly talented writer in her own right and will no doubt have a publishing deal soon.

Here's Vanessa's ballad:

Congratulations to Stephanie on her sophomore release, BALLADS OF SUBURBIA! (Thanks for inviting me to the party, Steph!) It’s an intense read about a bunch of kids whose stories resemble a ballad. The choruses echo mistakes they make again and again, while in the verses they try to make sense of it all.

To help celebrate the book’s launch, Steph’s asked me to talk about music. The characters in her novel put on acts of bravado but they reveal their true selves in a secret notebook, so I thought it’d be fitting to blog about cover songs.

I was at a gig recently where the band covered a song by a revered artist. This version was so far removed from the original that most people didn’t know it was a cover until the chorus kicked in. One outraged person, a diehard fan of the original, turned to me and said this bordered on blasphemy. But I thought the whole point of covering a song is not to mimic but to put a new interpretation on an old song.

Johnny Cash, whom Liam in BALLADS idolises, did a great cover of U2’s One. While I liked the original, the gravel in Cash’s voice and the sparse guitar makes the song much more compelling.



When Oasis released Wonderwall, buskers on every corner of my home town wailed it out on high rotation. Ryan Adams does a version that Noel Gallagher himself prefers over his own.



Is it a gimmick when a “serious” band covers a frothy pop song? Travis tried it on with Britney Spears’s Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Cowboy Junkies did an ethereal, hypnotic version of the Velvet Underground’s Sweet Jane. They recorded it, along with the album The Trinity Session, with a single microphone in a Toronto church.

In 1980, English band Japan hit Smokey Robinson’s I Second That Emotion with New Wave and lashings of make-up.


Siouxsie and the Banshees put some Beatles fans offside with their version of Dear Prudence, but I actually find it joyous.

And lastly, Fun Boy Three covered Our Lips Are Sealed a couple of years after the Go-Go’s recorded it. Here’s a fantastic live version:


The Model School is a brilliant Australian band that describes their sound as “Casio ‘N Western.” (Okay, I’m biased ‘cause my husband’s in the band, but they honestly are brilliant). They’ve recorded a version of Prince’s Controversy. The band kindly donated their latest EP, plus their album Alarm Clock Radiation and a T-shirt. You could win this entire Model School prize pack by telling me what you think about cover songs—are they blasphemous? A case of one-upmanship? Genuine song interpretation? Wacky novelty? What song would you cover if you were in a band?

Today's Contest:
Well, Vanessa introduced the contest fabulously. You know exactly what to do and what is up for grabs, so comment away. And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Tuesday, August 4.

As for my answer to Vanessa's question. I think it depends on the cover. Johnny Cash definitely does a mean cover. I prefer his version of "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails and listened to it constantly while writing Ballads. I also adore both the Cowboy Junkies and Siouxsie and the Banshees covers that Vanessa reference. When it comes to bands I really adore, I'm extra picky about covers, though. Take the Cure. I've loved them since I was like 10. They are sacred. Put on 311's cover of "Love Song" and I will scream bloody murder. Total blasphemy in my opinion. But Dinosaur Jr's cover of "Just Like Heaven"? That one will probably go on the iPod for my wedding mix. I love the way the chorus is scream-sung. It's all a matter of opinion really, so comment away, I won't judge, even if you feel completely opposite about those Cure covers.

Tomorrow's Guest:

Well, tomorrow the guest will be me. I want a chance to talk about an issue that is very close to my heart in this book and I'll be giving out another copy of it and some taffy! So please come back and visit! Deliciousness!

Cyber Launch Party Day 11: The Ballad of Melissa Walker

Welcome to Day 11 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

I had a very busy, but exciting weekend. Had another book release party for Ballads at one of my favorite bookstore's, Women and Children First in Chicago. Also we had a luau at the Beacon, the bar where I work, this weekend and I got all dressed up for it:

This Saturday another fun event is coming up for me. I'm reading with Joe Meno, Megan, Stielstra and Billy Lombardo and there will also be some great music at the Old School Town of Folk Music in Chicago at 8 pm. For all the details and tickets, go here.

Before we get to today's amazing blog, I got a review I'm really proud of from the Pop Culture Junkie, wherein she compares my book to one I'm reading and adoring right now, Wintergirls. So that was a huge compliment. Also here's an interview I did with the Reading Nook and if you comment, you'll be entered to win a copy of Ballads. And I did an interview with today's guest Melissa Walker, who is also running contest, this one for a signed copy of Ballads. Speaking of contests....

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets both books in the Frenemies series from Alexa Young! And that winner is... BrittLit from blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Melissa Walker
Melissa Walker is the author of Violet on the Runway, Violet by Design and Violet in Private. Her latest book is Lovestruck Summer. She has worked as ELLEgirl Features Editor and Seventeen Prom Editor. All in the name of journalism, she has spent 24 hours with male models and attended an elite finishing school for girls in New Zealand, among other hardships. In late 2008, she launched I Heart Daily with fellow ex-ELLEgirl Anne Ichikawa. It's a daily newsletter about likable stuff. Melissa lives in Brooklyn and has a BA in English from Vassar College. You can find her at http://www.melissacwalker.com/

Here's Melissa's ballad:

Today's Contest:
Sorry I always post the emotionally intense blogs on Monday. I just like to start the week with something powerful and this one definitely was. Melissa has agreed to give out a copy of her latest, Lovestruck Summer to one lucky winner. To enter just leave a comment about Melissa's vlog. You'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party or the interview that Melissa did with me about the Ballads cover (which I'll tell you about in a second). Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Monday, August 3rd.

As I mentioned, Melissa interviewed me about the cover of Ballads of Suburbia. You can check that out here and if you comment you will be entered to win a signed copy of Ballads!

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Vanessa Barneveld, one of my lovely critique partners will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 10: The Ballad of Amanda Ashby

Welcome to Day 10 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

I think this second week of the party (and official release week of Ballads!) has been a blast. If you haven't checked out all the guest blogs and entered all the contests, be sure to catch up over the weekend!

Here's our week in review:

Day 6: Alexa Young and up for grabs are copies of both her books, Frenemies and Faketastic. Deadline Monday 7/27

Day 7: I blogged about the story behind Ballads of Suburbia and up for grabs is a signed copy of it and some other Ballads swag. Deadline Tuesday 7/28

Day 8: Kelly Parra and up for for grabs is her book Invisible Touch. Deadline Wednesday 7/29

Day 9: Drew Ferguson and up for grabs is his book The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second. Deadline Thursday 7/30

So enter, enter, enter and win!

Before we meet today's guest (and get to today's contest). I have a couple other cool things to tell you about:

Tonight I'm reading at Women and Children First in Chicago at 7:30 PM. If you are in the Chicago area, I hope to see you there. But even if you're not from Chicago, you can get a signed and personalized copy of Ballads from Women and Children First. This is your very last chance to call W&CF (888-923-7323) and order a copy from them. All the details are here.

I did two radio interviews that you can listen to online now!

Here is my interview with book reviewer Donna Seaman on Chicago Public Radio's Eight Forty-Eight.

Here is my interview on the Funky Writer Show on Blog Talk Radio.

Lastly, Ballads got another review that really touched me. This one is from Carrie's YA Bookshelf. Remember reviewers feel free to post or send links of Ballads reviews and I'll get them on my site!

Now on to the stuff you guys are really looking forward to... prizes and guests!

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets Miss Match from Wendy Toliver! And that winner is... Marina from Blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter the rest of this week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Amanda Ashby!

Amanda Ashby was born in Australia and has spent the last ten years dividing her time between England and New Zealand. When she's not moving, she likes to write books (okay, she also likes to watch television, eat chocolate, and sit around doing not much, but let's just keep that be tween ourselves, shall we?). She has a degree in English and journalism from the University of Queensland and is married with two young children. Her debut book, You Had Me At Halo was nominated for a Romantic Times Reviewers' Her latest book, Zombie Queen of Newbury High, received 5 stars from TeensReadToo.com. Visit her at amandaashby.com

Here's Amanda's ballad:

I’m leaving to go on holiday to Australia in an hour and a half and my to-do list looks like this:
-Pack bags
-Pack children
-Triple check passports so many times that I put them in the wrong bag and then spend too much time trying to find them again.
-Write wise, witty and all round fabulous guest blog post for Stephanie Kuehnert to celebrate the release of her new book Ballads of Suburbia

Okay and as you might’ve guessed, with my time constraints something’s got to give, so unfortunately I’ve had to take out all the wise and witty bits (okay and the all round fabulous stuff as well, which is a pity really because that part was awesome!) and instead I’m just going to give you my stream of consciousness thoughts on Hey Jude by the Beatles.

The reason I love this song so much is because it’s soft, tender and caring and then it sort of goes a bit mental and ballistic (which is a very technical music term for you guys who aren’t in the know). However, I must admit that it wasn’t until Stephanie asked me to do this blog post that I realized quite how connected this song has been to my life (in weird and random ways).

First up it was written in 1968, which is the year I was born. Nice.

Next, it is a Beatles song and little did I know when I listened to it in my room in Australia that I would grow up to marry a guy from Liverpool and end up living there for six years.

And I absolutely didn’t know that Paul McCartney apparently wrote it for Julian Lennon to help him deal with his parent’s divorce (and it was originally Hey Jules). Anyway, strangely enough, my above mentioned Liverpool husband has often been mistaken for both Julian and John Lennon (and in one hilarious incident he was told that he looked the part but that his fake Scouse accent let him down!!!)

And finally, apart from all these wonderful titbits, when I went looking for a Youtube clip of the song, I managed to find one of Paul McCartney performing it at Anfield last year – and for those of you who don’t know, Anfield is the playing ground of Liverpool Football Club - who happen to be the greatest football club in the whole wide world. Fact.



(Oh and if you’re interested, my husband’s favorite Beatles ballad is Here, There and Everywhere and he is currently playing his guitar and singing it to me right now.)

Anyway, in order to help Stephanie celebrate the release of her new book I’m going to give away a copy of Zombie Queen of Newbury High and all you need to do is tell me what your favorite Beatles song is (doesn’t need to be ballad) and of course extra points if you’ve been to Liverpool and seen some of the places they’ve sung about!

Today's Contest:
Well, you heard the lady, leave a comment about your favorite Beatles song! Hey Jude actually happens to be mine too. Though I'm also quite partial to the entire side B of the Abbey Road album, which was my favorite album from age, I dunno 6, or whenever my parents exposed me to it, until age 12 when I discovered Nirvana.

As Amanda said, extra points if you tell about visiting Beatles related locations. (I haven't sadly!) And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Friday, July 31!

Monday's Guest:

On Monday, Melissa Walker, author of Lovestruck Summer and the Violet series will be guest-blogging. Actually, she's vlogging and it's one of the most intense yet. (I like making you cry on Monday's apparently. I mean what is Monday for.) So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 9: The Ballad of Drew Ferguson

Welcome to Day 9 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Sorry I'm fashionably late to party today (I really try to get these up by 3 at the latest!), but I had to run a bunch of errands and then got all swept up with baseball for minute because I'm a big White Sox fan and Mark Buehrle threw a perfect game (only the 18th in history!) today so yeah... okay that's the end of my nerdiness...

The other thing that slowed me down today was I was over at Teen Fiction Cafe blogging about the early 90s fashion revival (and how Ballads is the perfect literary accessory), so check that out if you are interested in what I have to see or just seeing a picture of me totally grunged out at 15...

Also Steph Su posted a beautiful review of Ballads today and did an interview with me about the impact I hope the book will have on teens, so check that out. That is part of the Traveling to Teens Tour and I'll have a full list of those interviews soon. But they are running a contest for a signed copy of Ballads that you might want to enter here.

Last but certainly not least, tonight at 7:30 pm CST, you can listen to me on Blog Talk Radio, as I'm doing an interview with The Funky Writer show. Listen live or download after it's over here!

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets The Second Virginity of Suzy Green from Sara Hantz And that winner is... Lilibeth Ramos from blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Drew Ferguson!

Drew Ferguson is the author of The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second (Kensington, 2008). He received his MFA in Creative Writing from Columbia College, Chicago. His work has appeared in Blithe House Quarterly,The James White Review, Hair Trigger, The Great Lawn and other publications. He lives in Chicago. His website is www.drewferguson.com.

Here's Drew's ballad:

“I love you in the morning sun,
I love you in my dreams.
I love the sound of making love,
The feeling of your skin, the corner of your eyes,
I long forevermore.
I never want to say goodnight, miracle goodnight.”

-- from David Bowie’s “Miracle Goodnight,” Black Tie, White Noise

So, it’s 1993. David’s got a new album out (Glory be to Bowie; Praise be to Bowie; there is no god but Bowie); Kurt’s got Courtney and about a year to live; and I’ve got the biggest case of blue balls in the world…what from living at home in the suburban paradise of Crystal Lake, Illinois, working my way through my sophomore year of college at a crappy job as a bookstore manager, and mostly from the fact that, I’m twenty years old and I still haven’t gotten laid.

Go ahead, laugh if you want, but just remember, it’s 1993, and I’m in a Republican suburb of Chicago. It’s long before Al Gore invented the Internet for hooking up and porn, and it’s still back when having friends with benefits meant you knew people whose jobs provided healthcare. And as you’re laughing, keep in mind that in 1993, I was one of those still closeted gaybies—you know, the sensitive guy who back in high school always went to Turnabout with the sort of plain girls who no one ever really bothered to give a second look, was always quietly lusting after the swim and wrestling teams, and whose shoulders were always wet from crying, R.E.M.-listening LUGs (lesbians until graduation). But as you’re laughing, don’t forget it’s 1993—the year that Brenda Venus, former lover ofTropic of Cancer author Henry Miller, first published her best-selling sex-help manual, Secrets of Seduction, which, if I remember correctly, was the first book to reveal the secret of the “Venus Butterfly” technique that had L.A. Law audiences all abuzz in the ‘80s.

Naturally, as a completely and totally horny, closeted gayby with no male sexual outlet save for…well, you know, some quality time with myself…I bought the book and several pounds of grapes (read the book if you must know), and studied the art of spelunking in the Valley of Love. I know, I know. You’re asking yourself, why the fuck would a homo—closeted or otherwise—consider cunnilingus?

Well, it’s 1993—back before there were “pure gays.” See today, you have kids who practically announce their queerness neo-natally and they don’t catch much shit, but back in ’93, when we did our overwrought coming-out scenes, and friends and family questioned our commitment to cock (How do you know you’re gay? Have you ever been with a woman?), we had to have a definitive answer (Been there, done that, didn’t do much for me, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t do much for her.). So, if I was ever going to be an out and proud gay bo(i/y), I needed at least one sexual experience with a woman to back up my bonafides that I knew I didn’t like it ‘cuz I had tried it.

“Okay, Drew,” you’re saying, “I get the sleeping with a chick thing. But why go down on one? I mean, isn’t that the one sexual act that guys constantly whine about doing…immaturely bitching about how it supposedly smells like fish, when their own junk usually smells about as pleasant as the asphalt resting place of roadkill skunk?” To be honest, performing the Venus Butterfly (if you’re a chick, seriously MAKE your guy read Brenda’s book), was my Plan B in case I…um…was unable to, or, part of me, was unwilling to fulfill my duties—which I was pretty sure meant that the Butterfly Plan B, no matter what, was going to be Plan A.

My plan, if I do say so myself, was brilliant. I was brilliant. You should’ve seen me with those grapes—well, after the first two pounds or so—I could spin those suckers up and down, round and round, backwards, forwards, figure eights, spell state capitals on their surface (in print and cursive), and never once break the skin. I could spin and spell for hours and never complain about my jaw getting sore or tongue tired. Only problem was going down on grapes didn’t exactly constitute losing my virginity. For that, I needed a woman—and what with my being a homo and all, this was a problem I probably should’ve given a bit more thought to. Let’s face it, there aren’t exactly millions of women lining up to sleep with closet-case ‘mos, who after giving it the ol’ college try, decide to move to Boystown, wax their chests, tweeze their eyebrows, Brazilian their boy parts, and spend the rest of their lives measured out in Williams & Sonoma coffee spoons, showtune Sundays at Sidetrack, Striesand, perfecting their faux hawks, and trying to fit into a pair of 28-inch waist jeans with this totally fierce white leather belt. Seriously, I so understand why no woman’d want to pity fuck a closet case—if I slept with a dude and he went straight, I’d practically be suicidal. (I mean, I couldn’t’ve been that awful, right?)

Luckily for gay boys everywhere looking to experiment, there’re women who are in love with the music of Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner. Just as it’s scientifically proven on YouTube that The Cure, The Smiths, and all that emo crap can lead to situational homosexuality in young adult males (Dude, did we like sleep together last night? Damn it, why’d you have to go and play “Pictures of You” again? I swear, no more Morrissey and no more sucking each other off.), it’s a well known fact that the rabid fangirls of Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner will sleep with just about anyone in an effort to prove to their god, AKA Sting, that they are sensitive, artistic, non-judgmental, vegan, and therefore, deserving of his love. (In a pinch, the gay boy looking to take a walk on the straight side may seek out a fangirl of Michael Stipe, but he must always remember that she is likely to be a LUG.)

It’s somewhat embarrassing to admit, but if it weren’t for Sting (and a fair amount of alcohol—wine for her, beer for me; I don’t think I could’ve stomached any more grapes), I probably would’ve never been able to find a woman to sleep with. Thankfully, I didn’t lose my virginity to him singing about a little black spot on the sun, some young teacher sweating and shaking like that old man in that book by Nabokov, or Roxanne. I lost my virginity to a Thin White Duke ballad of miracle goodnights. And if you really must know, even though Plans A and B worked and I’m not living in Boystown, I’ve been with a woman and I’m still gay.

Today's Contest:
God, I love Drew's honesty and his sense of humor, both of which come through in his novel The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second, which he has been kind enough to offer a copy of to one lucky winner.

As usual, to enter just leave a comment. And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Thursday, July 30!

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Amanda Ashby, author of Zombie Queen of Newbury High will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 8: The Ballad of Kelly Parra

Welcome to Day 8 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Before we get started today, I just want to say thank you to everyone who wished me a happy release day yesterday and/or left comments on yesterday's blog. I've been shamefully behind on replying to blog comments since life has been so busy, but I have read them all, am so grateful and will do my best to reply soon!

Also Lauren of Shooting Stars Mag has done something really, really cool! She got a Ballads of Suburbia taffy collection put together! That's right! A deliciously sugary snack to munch on while you read? Really what is better than that. You can order it here and my fans get a special 20% off coupon! Just enter the code BALLADS when you check out! Read more about it on Lauren's blog! I'm definitely ordering a bunch. Some to eat and some to give away on here! Oh and if you are curious about which character I assigned which flavor to:

Kara was Lemon Meringue Pie (though Maya would eat that too)

Adrian was Xtreme Hot (because he just is)

Christian is Pumpkin Pie since his ballad has to do with Thanksgiving

Maya is Cinnamon for her hair

Cass is Black Licorice (because she just is)

Stacey is Cherry Cola (because it just seemed to fit some how)

Liam is Rum (because there was no pot flavor, thank god, I think that would be nasty)

Lastly, a lot of great reviews of Ballads are rolling in. I have the ones I was notified about here. Though my website ate some of them at some point, so I might be missing some. If you are a reviewer and don't see your review listed, please post a link to it! I am proud to share these reviews with the world :)

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets a song from Tara Kelly! And that winner is runningforfiction from blogger! I will pas your email on to Tara so she can contact you about your prize! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Kelly Parra!

Kelly Parra debuted into young adult fiction in 2007 with her Latina novel Graffiti Girl, which garnered attention as a double nominee for the Romance Writers of America RITA award, a Latinidad YA top pick, as well as chosen for the California High School Reading Collection and National Book Foundation "BookUpNYC" program. Her latest novel Invisible Touch has hailed fresh praise from bestselling author Laurie Faria Stolarz, and given the Gold Award of Excellence from TeensReadToo. She is a member of Romance Writers of America and co-author of the popular young adult blog, YA Fresh. To read an excerpt of Invisible Touch visit www.KellyParra.com and to view the book trailer, go here.

Kelly is the first author to take a stab at writing a ballad from a character's point view. So this gives you a great taste of Invisible Touch, which is one of my favorite books!

Kara Martinez: An Invisible Touch Ballad

By Kelly Parra


“And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe…”
~ Anna Nalick


There are times I sit in my room in the dark, thinking of the past. I can’t sleep. I’m twisting my Rubik’s Cube, trying to dissect the events that led up to the night that changed my life forever. Wondering what I could have done differently. If there could have been a way to change it all, to rewind that night like it had never happened.

And then the tears come, because wishing for the things that can’t come true is like experiencing heartbreak all over again. Especially when I can’t bring my father back.
My dad…was the light of our family, our glue holding the four of us together. When we lost him, the family bond crumbled to dust and my mom, brother, and me scattered into our own world of sorrow, pain, and regret.

It was like Mom was sent adrift, flowing out of control, and she grabbed onto me to save her life. Put all her attention and pain into her strength to hold onto to me so tight. She’d lost my dad to death, my brother Jason behind a brick wall, and I was the only one left, screaming for help.

Because after the accident that took my father’s life and saved mine, I changed in a way I didn’t understand. I changed in a way no young girl could comprehend. I saw things that weren’t there, pieces to a puzzle that didn’t make sense.

There’d been doctors, a place with silent walls and walking dead with beating hearts, and I couldn’t breathe there. So I played make-believe, answered what everyone wanted to hear, and lied that it had all been a dream. I was released, but watched so carefully as if I moved too suddenly or breathed too hard, I would break.

And now I live silently, speaking anonymously though a Secret Fates blog--my hidden confessional where I whisper all my pain, all my puzzles, to a cyber world who can’t see the real me.

Then everything changes again when I meet him.

Anthony is full of mystery and something so unique that stops time when I’m with him. He’s strong and loyal with his secret pain, and part of a puzzle, like spokes on a wheel. He’s the center of what could be the most dangerous sign I’ve ever faced.

When everything has been silent, suddenly it all comes alive. Feelings shattered through glass.

Fast. Dangerous. Alive.

Mom’s grip tightens. Jason’s walls thicken. Anthony breaks my silence. I finally breathe.

And the dangerous sign that I keep seeing, the loaded gun, fires two shots into the night.

Today's Contest:
Kelly has been kind enough to put a copy of Invisible Touch up for grabs today and I know you are super intrigued by it now and want to read it! So to enter just leave a comment about Kelly's ballad. And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Wednesday July 29th!

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Drew Ferguson, author of The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what he has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 7: The Ballad of a Book

It's officially BALLADS OF SUBURBIA release day! Excitement and nervousness are in the air. This book really is my heart and soul and I have such high hopes for it. But we'll get to that in a minute.

I meant to post this blog much earlier, but I've been out enjoying my day with a mani/pedi... though I already fucked up one toe because I stumbled. *sigh* such a klutz.

I also went to spot Ballads in the wild, but sadly my local Borders only had 2 copies (compared to last years 20 of IWBYJR) and another local bookstore had none. :( Hopefully it's showing up in other people's towns though and I'd love to see pics so I will add that to today's contest. Also, if you want a *signed* copy of Ballads, you should order it from Women & Children First ASAP as I will be in there signing on Friday and they will ship the book out to wherever you are located. All the details on that are here. And remember, wherever you buy Ballads from before July 31 you can enter to win Write For A Reader's Ballads Blitz Contest!

Speaking of Contests....

Today's Winner:

Each day I am announcing the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. Today's winner gets Beige from Cecil Castellucci! And that winner is... The Sword and the Faith from MySpace! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Today, I'm going to blog about the story behind Ballads of Suburbia, the how's and why's that went into my writing it.

I also did a guest blog for Reading Keeps You Sane's On the Outside feature that I think really compliments the blog I'm writing today because it tells the story of the title and the cover. So check it out! Also if you want to know which songs inspired me most while writing the book, go here to West of Mars.

The Ballad of a Book: Stephanie Kuehnert

"If you made a book of what really happened, it would be a really upsetting book."- Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

I keep telling people that this is the book I became a writer to write. The emotions, the general themes of the book have been present in my work since I started writing seriously. There were traces of Ballads of Suburbia in the Sylvia Plath rip-off poetry I wrote about sharp objects in eighth grade-- the poetry that got me sent to the guidance counselor. (Where I didn't get any useful guidance.)

And I poured the feelings I would later channel to write Ballads into my zines as a teenager. Some parts blood, bile, and anger, but mostly a fight for survival, my words my only weapon.

I first started trying to tell this story in my late teens/early twenties when I wrote short stories about jaded kids hanging out in diners or clubs. Those stories were vague, heavy on the symbolism and description, light on the lot. The emotional sense they evoked was novacaine numbness where you know something terrible is going on, but you can't feel it. That's how I lived back then.

Ages 14 through 21, I spent numbing myself in one way or another: cutting, alcohol, drugs. The only healthy outlet, the only real tool I had to work my way through the pain was writing. With words I didn't wake up bleeding or scarred or with a pounding headache and aching limbs. With words I forced myself to remember and figure things out instead of trying unsuccessfully to forget.

Words were my lifeline and eventually I followed them out of the darkness. I went back to school to get my bachelors (and later my masters) in fiction writing at Columbia College Chicago. I came back home to Oak Park, the town I'd fled at seventeen like I was on fire. The town of bad memories. Younger years of loneliness and being bullied and every good friend I had moving away. The older years of damaged boys who damaged me and of drugs and self-destruction. I didn't know how I felt about Oak Park upon my return (I still don't know how I feel about it), but I loved Chicago. I loved my classes. I loved spending time between them in Grant Park or by the lake. Writing, writing, writing.

I wrote a whole novel in six months. It was called The Morning After. Like Ballads of Suburbia it was the stor of a girl trying to survive her teenage years in the suburbs. But when I finished, I put it in a drawer and swore it would never see the light of day. Because that version of Kara was thinly veiled teenage me. It was what I needed to purge, the leftover teen angst and ugly memories. Then I was ready to write for real.

I knew that I wanted to write a story about suburbia, but since I didn't want it to be about my life at all, I decided to distance myself by writing something completely different. So I wrote I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone. I focused on the landscape of my adopted hom in Wisconsin and wrote a story driven by my love of punk rock. There was a bit more purging in there. Louisa, your dark side, I know it all too well.

While I was writing that book, my suburbia story stewed. One day I was watching My So-Called Life and I found myself scrawling down something the character Angela Chase said: "If you made a book of what really happened, it would be a really upsetting book."

I knew that when I wrote about the suburbs that was the kind of book I'd have to write. It would have to be honest and raw. It would have to shatter the myth of kinder, safer suburbia because I knew that was a lie. It would have to drag out all of the darkness people keep locked up and shine an unflinching spotlight on it. Loneliness, bullying, parental abandonment, the freedom that led to disaster, the drugs, the cutting, the damaged love, the depression. I'd have to put it all on display. And though I'd experienced many of those things, I didn't want to write about my actual experiences. So I needed a framework.

Enter Joe Meno, who is not only an amazing author, but one of the best teachers in the world. Strangely enough in the class of his that I took to figure out the structure of IWBYJR, I figured out the structure of Ballads instead. As I mention in the On the Outside blog, Joe brought a boombox and some Johnny Cash cds one day and got us thinking about ballads as a form of storytelling. I thought about Johnny's songs and various punk songs and how brutally honest the singers were about life. My characters would need to be that honest. The would need a place to be that honest. A notebook, I scrawled down. They will tell their stories in a notebook. I also noted, "Think of each chapter, each scene as a song, a ballad, an ode to being a teenager in suburbia."

So I had the structure and I had the title, but I didn't start the actual writing until over a year later when I'd finished IWBYJR. The story simmered and I pondered. I wondered if I would dare to set it in the real Oak Park. My thinly veiled autobiography was in a fake Oak Park that I called Lincoln Prairie. I wanted to avoid the "what is real" questions. But now that I knew it would be entirely fiction, I was comfortable with writing about the real place. Beside I love Chicago books and I know my corner of Chicago so well, I just wanted to capture it. When the first chapter of Ballads, the epilogue, spilled out, it was filled with references to landmarks and streets I knew so well. I had to keep it. It was authentic and that was what I needed this book to be.

I have to say the authenticity of it caused more than one nervous breakdown. Once I realized what this book would be about, especially the struggle that Kara has with self-injury-- which was something I struggled with as a teen and I'd searched for answers in books and never found them--I started holding it to this incredibly high level of perfection. I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to be right. No plot holes. I wanted to capture the reader and not let go until it was over and leave them thinking for days.

I remember the end of December 2007, I'd been sick for all of Christmas break and was struggling to get the book just write for my agent to submit it. I laid in bed and cried over it for an entire day, convinced that I couldn't do the story or the characters justice. My fiance, Scott, sat patiently beside me and asked, "Where do you think the flaws are? Talk them through." And I did and the book was submitted in February and under contract shortly thereafter.

Then came revisions. My editor is amazing and she pushes hard, hard, hard. So do my critique partners. They all wanted me to go even deeper into Kara's head. The cutting. They especially wanted to understand the cutting. This meant going into a very black place in my past. Remembering what I did, how it felt, why I did it. I pushed so hard sometimes it made me want to cut again even though I hadn't in 7 years. Revisions happened over the holidays and it was brutal. I had to get an extension, only a day or two, but I felt terrible about it. Still I pushed and I pushed. Scott talked me off ledges. My best friend came over and bummed me a cigarette or two. That was my only vice. And I made it through.

There were times when I hated this book. I never thought I would be as happy with it as I was with IWBYJR. But now I'm happier. Now I hope it will reach a lot of people and really help them. I hope. I hope.

It was a story that had to be told and now it is here. I hope you enjoy it.

Today's Contest:
Up for grabs today is a signed copy of Ballads, as well as a signed cover flat, a copy of the soundtrack and some other goodies I will throw together in celebration of the release day.

To enter just leave a comment. You'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. And you'll earn even more entries by taking pictures of Ballads in the wild or of you with your new copy of it! Just note your additional entries in your comment.

Winner will be chosen at random on Tuesday July 28!

Tomorrow's Guest:

Tomorrow, Kelly Parra, author of Invisible Touch and Graffiti Girl will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!

Cyber Launch Party Day 6: The Ballad of Alexa Young

Welcome to Day 6 of the Ballads of Suburbia Cyber Launch Party! For all of the details on the party including guests, the daily contests and the grand prize drawing be sure to read the information at the beginning of Day 1's blog.

Wow, I can't believe that tomorrow is the official release day for Ballads of Suburbia! I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed, but I also can't wait to see my book out in the world. I'm proud to see that it has already having an impact on people.

The Chicago Sun-Times gave it a great review on Sunday.

I am also glad to see how much it is resonating with the bloggers. Reading Is Bliss also gave it a wonderful review.

Today's Winner:

This week I get to start announcing winners from the Cyber Launch contests! Yay! Each day I will announce the winner of the contest that was posted one week earlier. That means today's winner gets a signed copy of Ballads of Suburbia and the Ballads soundtrack CD from me! And that winner is... Share You Sweet Tread from Blogger! I will email you for your address shortly! Remember to enter last week's contests! Each contests lasts one week!

Now, today's guest blogger is author Alexa Young!

Alexa Young is the author of the Frenemies series, which includes the books Frenemies and Faketastic. She's also a freelance journalist and has written for publications such as HITS, JUMP, Shape, O: The Oprah Magazine, Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and many more. You can find her at AlexaYoung.com, bestfrenemiesforever.com, Alexicon, and The Worst Review Ever blog.

Alexa was also my partner in crime for Rock 'n' Read, which we hosted a year ago in LA and hope to bring to Chicago this fall.

I love her dearly and her ballad shared a whole new side of her. Get out the tissues. This one made me sob.

Here's Alexa's ballad:

“You Are the Everything”

It all started when April and I decided to be college roommates. We hadn’t been close friends, but we knew each other and occasionally hung in the same crowds throughout middle and high school. So as graduation drew near and we discovered we’d both be going to U.C. San Diego, I approached her (or maybe she approached me?)…and the deal was done.

“This will be so fun!” April smiled. She had the kind of smile that could melt away any kind of stress—even the stress of leaving our families and heading off to college a full NINETY. MILES. FROM. HOME! (Hey, we were kids.)

Things went smoothly for the most part. Sure, April and I had our differences. I mean, she was incredibly mellow and cool while I was high-strung and neurotic; April made friends easily while I alienated…a lot of people; she had an infectious laugh and a dorky sense of humor while I was all about the scathing wit and sarcasm. But our differences made us stronger. We complemented each other. We ruled! I especially loved that we could stay up late at night, cramming for exams, talking about (okay, worrying about) our futures, and—best of all—bonding over our favorite music. I was so impressed that April played guitar and that she worked at the campus radio station (KSDT) and the record store (Assorted Vinyl). She turned me on to all kinds of bands. I can still see the albums piled against our dorm room walls: The Primitives’ Lovely; Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Freaky Styley; The Violent Femmes self-titled debut; an advance copy of Peter Murphy’s Deep (scored from KSDT); and R.E.M.’s entire catalog-to-date. We loved—and I mean loved—everything R.E.M.

So when spring break rolled around, it was a given we’d go to see Michael Stipe et al in concert. We weren’t exactly sure how we’d get decent tickets but, eventually, our plan was to buy them from a scalper. It seemed like a good idea at the time…and, as it turned out, it was: We scored 10th-row seats for a mere 30 dollars! We had the time of our lives. It was a concert to beat all concerts. When I dropped April off at her parents’ house the next night, she promised she’d call me over the weekend. She was going to give me the details on a road-trip to Arizona that some friends of ours were taking. We'd decided after the R.E.M. show that we'd both join them. Spring break in Arizona with April? I couldn’t wait!

But I never heard from April the next day. Or the day after that. By the end of the week, and after leaving a few messages for her, I was pissed. She hadn’t called me. She—and the rest of our supposed friends—had bailed on me. They’d gone on a spring break road-trip without me. When I got a call from one of our mutual friends more than a week later, I couldn’t believe the gall of her.

“Alexa,” our friend said. “There was an accident.”

“What?” I asked.

“There was an accident. In Arizona. And April didn’t make it.”

"What do you mean she didn't make it?" I demanded. "You mean she didn’t go?"

"No," our friend said between sobs. "April's dead."

Everything stopped for a moment. This had to be a joke…right? April just felt bad about forgetting to include me in the road-trip…right? She was on the other line…RIGHT? This was a three-way-line prank, RIGHT???

“April?” I asked. “April!” I screamed. “This isn’t funny, you guys! APRIL…???” Then I started to cry. “Ohmygod.”

I told our friend I’d call her back and rushed to my parents to tell them about the call I’d just gotten. My mom dialed April’s parents and quickly discovered it was no prank. It was true. April was gone. I’d be returning to my second quarter of college without a roommate…without a friend…and with a serious hole in my heart and in my life. That’s when R.E.M.’s “You Are the Everything” really hit home:

Sometimes I feel like I can’t even sing.
I’m very scared for this world.
I’m very scared for me.
Eviscerate your memory…

It was creepy—but also kind of comforting—how the lyrics to the song captured images of what April’s world might have been like when the end came. I’d heard she’d been sleeping in the backseat of our friend’s minivan, without a seatbelt. It was pouring rain when the car hydroplaned and rolled, ejecting her from the vehicle:

Here’s a scene,
You’re in the back seat laying down,
The windows wrap around
To sound of the travel and the engine.
All you hear is time stand still in travel
And feel such peace and absolute.
The stillness still that doesn’t end,
But slowly drifts into sleep.
The stars are the greatest thing you’ve ever seen
And they’re there for you,
For you alone you are the everything…

I can’t even count how many times I listened to that song after April died. I still think about her every time I hear it…and most other R.E.M. songs for that matter—especially those last lyrics:

I think about this world a lot and I cry…

Everything is beautiful,
And she is so beautiful.
She is so young and old.
I look at her and I see the beauty
Of the light of music.
The voices talking somewhere in the house.
Late spring and you’re drifting off to sleep
With your teeth in your mouth.
You are here with me,
You are here with me,
You have been here and you are everything.

Bottom line: April is still here with me. And she was everything—a true reflection of what people are and what they should strive to be, if that makes any sense. I miss you, April. Twenty years later. You will always be the beauty…of the light of music…and so much more.

Today's Contest:
Alexa was not only brave and strong enough to share that ballad. She is kind enough to donate copies of both Frenemies and Faketastic to one lucky winner. To enter just leave a comment about Alexa's ballad. This might be hard, it might have left you speechless. It hit me extra hard because I also lost a friend in an accident just over a year ago and eerily enough REM was the music I listened to most when coping with that loss. For me it was the entire Automatic for the People album, which he and I had discussed at length when we first became friends back during sophomore year of high school. Perhaps (hopefully!), you haven't lost someone you loved, but you can still comment about a song or band or album that reminds of one of the most meaningful people in your life.

And you'll earn additional entries by blogging/tweeting/etc about this blog or the cyber launch party. Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Monday, July 27.

Tomorrow's Guest:

Well, since tomorrow is official Ballads of Suburbia release day, I guess I better guest blog and tell you all about how and why I wrote the book. Complete with prizes of course. So I hope you'll come back tomorrow to celebrate release day with me!