Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Devastating Loss

This all seems so irrelevant now, but I started writing it this morning before I got the news so I guess I will just post it.

You can find an interview with me including a picture of my cool, messy office at the Author2Author blog.

And my agent posted a blog I wrote about Rock 'n' Read at her blog.

And of course I'm reading tonight at Old School Records at 7 pm at 7446 W. Madison in Forest Park.

I was going to post part 2 of my personal tattoo explanation beneath this during my lunch hour. But it's going to have to wait for another day. It means nothing right now. None of this means anything at all right now.

At ten this morning I got an email from my friend Polly saying to call her, it was important. I called. She was crying. Our friend Marcel is dead. He was killed in a motorcycle accident last night. I managed not to burst into tears while in the middle of the office on the phone, but then I went to call my best friend some place more private and started sobbing.

I also called my boyfriend and he came to pick me up from work. I went to get cigarettes for the first time in years. I've smoked two. I'm going to take a long walk shortly and smoke more and cry more and then suck it up for an hour and do my reading and dedicate it to him and try not to fucking sob my eyes out because he never got to read it, he never got to hear it and he was always so supportive.

Marcel is one of the most unique souls I've ever known. We've only talked and visited sporadically since high school but the talks and visits have always been incredibly meaningful. I meant to call him when I was in St Louis last. I didn't because there was family stuff and I figured I'd come back in a couple months and see him. Don't do things like that. See your friends whenever you can because you never know... You think I'd know better because this is the third friend to die suddenly in nine months.

He was so special to me and so many other people. I can't even tell you. Not right now. I will later when I have the words because he deserves that. But now I need to go grieve. If I'm not in touch over the next few days you know why.

Thanks for listening.


Annika said...

I'm so sorry, Steph. I don't know of anything worse than losing a friend.

Jeri said...

Stephanie, I'm so sorry to hear this, and about your other two friends. I've been there, and I know it's hard. You're so right, that we need to cherish our friends while we have them.

Good luck with your reading tonight. I'll be thinking of you. Big long-distance hugs.