Reflections, Accomplishments & Hopes for a New Year

It's that time of year when we take a hard look at what we've done and assess how we want to improve and move forward. This is something I'm doing constantly, but it does seem important to take a moment to write it all down, especially since I feel like I have learned a lot about myself this year, and especially this past month or two.

I started out 2012 miserable and full of self-doubt. It was a long-time coming. These feelings had been building for a couple of years, so I declared 2012, the year of re-evaluation. I had to figure out what made me happy. More specifically, I had to figure out if writing still made me happy or if I was done, ready for a complete change of career and life focus.

I went back and forth, up and down about this. I'd spend a month deeply in love with storytelling and then three months hating every word I wrote or hating myself for writing. I felt like I'd finally gotten on the right track again in September and then had an absolute breakdown, my biggest crisis of faith yet in November, which I documented in this piece for Rookie--possibly the best, most honest, real and in-the-moment piece I've written for Rookie.

In July, I decided to go back to therapy for the first time in roughly nine or ten years. I was deeply depressed and anxious, especially about writing, and I couldn't do the re-evaluation thing on my own. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Not only did I benefit personally, I figured out a lot about my own writing. I put all the writing tips I gleaned from my therapist in this YA Outside the Lines post.

Perhaps the most important of those tips was be grateful for and recognize my accomplishments, big and small. So here's what I've done in 2012

• Knitted one hat and one scarf for my mother, and one hooded baby blanket for my friend's first child. Started my first knitting project for myself, a skirt.



• Taught 16 students in a Young Adult Fiction class at Columbia College and read well over 1000 pages of their work.
• Grew lettuce, strawberries, tomatoes, green beans, many varieties of peppers, many types of herbs, quite a few flowers.



• Made countless vegan meals, tried and even invented several new recipes.
• Got my eleventh tattoo. (It's Latin for "breathe.")

• Joined my local library board.
• Tended bar three nights a week and briefly made a tumblr about my adventures.
• Visited my favorite place on earth, Seattle.



• Saw (and met!) Mark Lanegan (whose music inspires my writing big-time), as well Garbage, Social Distortion, and several amazing bands (and legends like Iggy Pop!) at Riot Fest.
• Hosted a college friend for about half the year and went on adventures with her like to my first Renaissance Faire.



• Visited with several other friends from out of town, reconnected with my childhood best friend/sister after she moved back, spent as much time as I could with my amazing teenage niece who is my heroine, and made the ultimate birthday package for my BFF to celebrate eighteen years of friendship.
• Went to my first Comic Con where I met people like the stars of one of my all-time favorite shows, Twin Peaks.



• Went to my first RT convention, participated in a panel about boundaries in YA and in Teen Day. Met Francine Pascal, author of the Sweet Valley series that ruled my childhood.





• Watched the last five seasons of Buffy for the first time, all five seasons of Angel for the first time, and most recently, watched all of the first season of Game of Thrones in 3 days.
• Turned old t-shirts into new shirts, and in one case, a dress.



• Celebrated my third wedding anniversary in Portland, Oregon. We also visited the gorgeous Oregon coast and met up with one of my best writing buds, Tara Kelly, who took this photo of us.

• Nursed my elderly cat/best friend of 17 years, Sid, for several months and then said a sad but beautiful farewell to him the weekend after Thanksgiving and wrote him a tribute.
  
• Wrote 17 columns for my local newspaper, the Forest Park Review.
• Wrote 20 essays, some deeply personal, others pure fun, for Rookie as well as countless reviews of books, movies, TV shows, music, hot chocolate, candy, and electronic items that do and should exist.
• Wrote my first essay for Ms. Fit Magazine, a real world feminist fitness magazine that will debut in January of 2013.
• Made zines with my niece and her BFF at a Rookie Road Trip event.

• Took part in an amazing reading to celebrate the release of ROOKIE YEARBOOK ONE.
• Did a vlog to celebrate the release of the DEAR TEEN ME anthology, which features my letter to my teenage self about an abusive relationship.
• Researched (both by visiting the library and sneaking into a cemetery after hours) and wrote my first short story in umm... eight years? It's a ghost story--my personal twist on a local urban legend about a hitchhiking phantom flapper--which will come out next October in an anthology called VERY SUPERSTITIOUS published by Month9Books.
• Went on a writing retreat in Arizona.



• Wrote about 50,000 words of one YA novel (ie. the Modern Myth YA)
• Wrote about 60,000 words of another YA novel (ie. the Contemporary YA)

Yeah, looking back, even though I often beat myself up for not doing enough... that's a lot of stuff! Sure, I wish that total of 110,000 words could have been on one novel so I could feel like I finished a big project this year. And of course what I really wish is that "sold a book" could be one of the bullet points, but I worked hard and I have to be proud of what I have accomplished and the difficulties like losing Sid that I got through.

I guess the biggest question is what came of my self/life evaluation in the year of evaluation?

Ultimately, I've decided that while writing doesn't always make me happy and the current state of my career (or more specifically the way I've had to cobble together way too much work that pays way too little to support my writing habit), writing will always be a part of my life. I'm hoping that 2013 will bring adjustments and changes that will make me happier. The biggest one is that my husband and I are hoping...or at this point PLANNING to move to Seattle in summer of 2013. I need a fresh start in a place that I actually like. I grew up in Chicago and came back for school, but then got stuck here. It's not where I feel like I belong. I'm hoping that going where I feel like I do belong will shake things up a bit. It will definitely mean a job change. Bartending has its moments and it did inspire an entire (though as of yet unsold) book, but like all service industry jobs it can be really draining and demeaning. I have discovered a love of teaching this year and especially a love of writing for and connecting with teenage girls via Rookie. I'm hoping to find a job that incorporate both of those things--maybe some sort of after school arts program for young people that I can teach in. I'm not sure what is out there, but I'nm hoping to find something, and it may be a full-time something meaning novel writing will have to fit in other places in my life. I want to have nights to read and spend time with my husband, weekends to go on adventures with him. That will be the priority once we move out west. 

Writing for Rookie is my other big priority. It doesn't pay much, but every piece I craft for them, I put my heart and soul into the same as I have my novels. I'm able to write incredibly personal things and I feel like I'm a part of the type of publication I'd been dreaming of since I was thirteen years old. Rookie readers are my audience, always have been, and I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to share my words and stories with them.

As for my fictional stories, my novels, my career as Stephanie Kuehnert, YA author (or just author in general), I still hope and dream and work my ass off in hopes that 2013 will be the year it relaunches. (13 is my lucky number after all.) I'm taking much needed time off until after the New Year, but then I will get back back the Contemporary YA and I hope to finish it in a month or three. After that, I will return to and reevaluate the Modern Myth YA. Maybe I'll press on with it as it is, maybe I'll re-write it again, or maybe I'll decided it needs a different form--a TV pilot instead of a book, perhaps. 

I'm not setting deadlines or making specific goals. I just want to keep doing what I've been doing--finding the faith and the drive to keep writing and enjoy writing each day that I sit down to do it. To treasure life's sweet moments, to find something to be grateful for every day.

Oh and I think I might sign up for a spinning class....

What about you? What were your accomplishments big and small in 2012 and what are you hoping to do in 2013?

Work-in-Progress...err Thursday: The Joy & IMPORTANCE of Writing Conferences

I'm back from my travels, but still running quite behind on things as you can probably tell by the fact that we are having Work-in-Progress Wednesday on Thursday.

To follow up on my last post (from way back in March, yikes!) the good news is that after much schedule juggling I did manage to meet my goal and get my partial in to my agent before I left for Seattle on the 5th. I ended up writing my synopsis on the planes to and from Seattle and polishing it yesterday and today, but the major goal was met and I was rewarded not only with vacation but a stellar conference experience at the RT Booklovers Convention when I got back!

I wanted to post about that for Work-In-Progress... Day because I think that socialization with other writers and publishing industry folk is KEY to being a writer. I know it sounds weird because the majority of our work is done alone in front of a computer screen, but if you don't have those outside-of-the-office writerly connections, your writing suffers. Here are the three very important things I get from other writers (and book industry people):

1. Improved Writing Skills

I have my MFA in Creative Writing, but I don't by any means feel like my education in writing is complete. In fact, I wish I could continue to take classes on writing and the various topics that I want to research for my books. (Right now that means mythology and also how to identify a corpse. Those are today's hints about what my WIP is about.) Since going to college forever is not an option, I talk to writer friends and I go to conferences. In the past I've been to really academic conferences (AWP) and really industry-focused ones (BEA and ALA). These are great in their own ways, but I was really excited to go to RT because it has a YA track with panels that spoke specifically to my interests like "Murder, Mayhem, and Madness," which gave me some great insight into writing suspense and action, a key in my WIP, and something I know I'm not as good at as say character development. I wrote down one seemingly simple nugget of advice from that panel (though unfortunately I didn't write who said it!): each character that goes into a scene should come out changed in some way. This is a great reminder for me to use in determining if my scenes are working.

Another amazing panel I went to was "Voices Inside Me: Shifting Between Narrators," which might have been the best discussion of point-of-view that I've ever witnessed. Hearing Melissa Marr talk about how her writing goals relate to trying out new forms of point-of-view storytelling like framed stories gave me ideas of new goals and challenges to set for myself. She also mentioned that one of the reasons she writes multiple point-of-view stories is because "a story doesn't happen to just one person." I agree that multiple threads make for a fuller story hence I've played with POV in every project... except oddly the one I'm currently working on. We shall have to see about that.

I also did my own panel on boundaries in YA fiction and learned from listening to my fellow panelists. Here is a picture that Rachel Vincent took of us. (I'm terrible at taking pictures during conferences so sadly I will be linking to other people's pics for the most part.)

2. Knowledge of the Market/Industry

The panel that I jotted the most notes down from was a marketing panel called "Wasting My Time: Making Sense of the Changing Landscape." There were authors who had tried many different promotion techniques from group tours to Skype visits as well as a "gatekeeper," Deborah Schneider, who does programming for the King County library system. (That would include Seattle, my fave place on earth and ummm their library system is STELLAR.) I learned from Deborah how important it is to have a media page on your website including a photo of the correct, print-ready quality (300 dpi). I also got a TON of ideas of how to better promote future books from the authors who'd tried them, so I'm extra excited to finish the WIP and sell it.

Talking about The Market/The Industry is a scary thing. It can be overwhelming for many writers, myself included. I've never written for it, but I've learned the importance of paying attention to it. Publicity-wise different things work for different people and I've founded that chatting at conferences is an excellent way to learn new tricks. Also though I find speed-dating with librarians, booksellers, and readers to chat up my books completely TERRIFYING, it is a great way for me to spread the word. (Plus those folks love books like me, they aren't really scary.) Part of publishing is promoting your book. Like it or not, that's the way things are, so taking those opportunities to do promo, or if you aren't published yet, to practice by talking to other writers or pitching to agents and editors is essential. Again, a very important part of going to a conference. (But just a part. The reason I talked about skill improvement first is because I think that fun as it may be, you aren't getting the most valuable experience if you are just sitting at the bar "networking.")

3. Sanity

Only fellow writers really truly understand the fact that basically YOU HEAR VOICES AND WRITE THEM DOWN AND THAT IS YOUR JOB. My other friends and husband listen patiently to me, but I know they probably think I'm neurotic. (And I am a little bit. Kind of goes with the territory.) In addition to having practical advice to offer me about developing my plot, my editing skills, and promoting my books, my author friends provide emotional support that I would be lost without. They get my worries, my fear of failure, my struggles with balancing the various activities of being a writer with having an actual life. I have people like Mari Mancusi, who I set goals with daily on Twitter and Jeri Smith-Ready who I Skype with regularly to talk writing neuroses among other things, but at RT I got to see them in person. I had dinner with Jeri and drinks with Mari (and went to a pseudo-wedding with champagne, cake, and hunky Fabio-type cover models--the sort of bizarre, totally amusing thing you do not see at the academic conferences I'm used to. Seriously they could learn a thing or two about a good time from the romance world.) We talked shop, but also got to relax and have a good time. I finally met Zoraida Cordova (whose book, The Vicious Deep, is out in less than two weeks and sounds AMAZING), an agency sister who I've only gotten to chat with online. Oh and ditto with Stephanie Perkins (who Rachel Vincent took this great picture of me with, two Stephs with brightly colored hair who write YA contemp, crazy, huh!) I had dinner with her and Beth Revis (who I've had the joy of hanging out with at a retreat before and it was lovely to see her again) one night and it was non-stop laughs and smiles--except when Steph and Beth nearly came to blows over a difference in opinion about Harry Potter, haha, but it was quickly resolved when we started talking about Firefly. That is the kind of nerdiness I love and crave. Also we got into plot talk and I was describing a particularly gruesome part of my WIP when the waitress came up. Suddenly realizing we were in public, I blurted, "I'm talking about a book! We're writers!" Because like I said, around each other, we can drop our guard, talk about our characters like they are real (because in our heads, they are) and be the person we are when we are tucked away at our desks all alone with unwashed hair.... I'm not sure how good it is to bring that into the world, but it is good for us, so the world is just going to have to deal.

Basically my favorite part of RT was that from when I walked in the door and found Kim Derting (and here's a cute pic of us that Amy Plum took) to my last dinner with Jeri and her fabulous Team Kilt blogger/book lover crew, I was surrounded by friends. I got to catch up with people I rarely see in person. I received advice, encouragement and loads of big hugs. It reminded me of how wonderful the YA community is, how filled to the brim with sweet, talented people, and how lucky I am to be a part of it.

And the YA community can throw a great party too. Teen Day on Saturday was an incredible day-long affair (and thank you, Melissa Marr, for all your hard work that went into it!) where YA writers got their own special place in the giant book fair, we had panels, speed-reading, and speed-dating with teen readers (meeting readers is always a huge highlight for me) and we had a big bash where we got to talk to the readers and mingle with our idols. I nearly wept when I met Francine Pascal, creator of the Sweet Valley High/Sweet Valley Twins series that I was addicted to as a kid. But I pulled it together. managed to thank her for inspiring me to write and got this picture of us taken:

Again, aside from that, I was remiss at taking good Teen Day photos, but Vania Stoyanova who is a way better photographer than I could ever be captured it really well and you can see it on her tumblr.

Between mad deadline dashes, crazy juggling of all the writing jobs and writing-related tasks, worries, anxieties, and writer's block or slumps, all of which I've experience lately, this writing thang can be draining. But I refilled the well at RT. I reminded myself of why I write, who is out there doing it with me and cheering me on, and got a slew of ideas for new ways to challenge myself. So I'm revved and ready to get back to work.

Thank you RT and everyone I saw there. I will definitely being seeing you next year in Kansas City.

What about you? How do you connect with other writers to refill the well? What conferences or conventions have you gone to and loved?