Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Venting and Daydreaming

It's been one of those weeks that started out on the wrong foot and just won't seem to get on track. Saturday night/Sunday morning, I had the rare douchebag customer who reminded me of the jocks/mean boys that I hated growing up. We don't get many of that type in my bar (one of the many reasons I love working there), but when we do things tend to go badly. This guy disputed that it wasn't precisely 3 am when I told him it was time to go--despite the fact that I'd given a 20 minute warning (last call), a ten minute warning, and a five minute warning, all shouted at the top of my lungs because he and his stupid friend were screaming along completely offkey to the worst songs in our jukebox. I told him too bad, I'd given him adequate warning, it was my bar, my rules, and I'd decreed we were closing now. I also pointed out that all bars close a few minutes before closing time because, legally, I cannot have people in the bar with drinks in their hands even one minute past closing time so I need to make sure they are out. He argued that other bars didn't do this. Total bullshit seeing as where did the phrase "bar time" come from. Everyone knows that bar time means a clock set ten to fifteen minutes fast because bars *always* kick you out slightly early. But I did not get to argue that. Not that I wanted to because I was tired. Instead, my plan was to tell him to give me his beer and get out and if he was resistant, I planned to refund him his money and then he could get out and if he was further resistant, I would call the police.

Instead another well-meaning, but still somewhat irritating guy decided to stand up for me. I dislike this. I dislike the fact that some guys think because I am a woman they can push me around (ie the douchebag) and other guys think that because I am a woman, I cannot stand up for myself (ie well-meaning but still irritating guy). He told the guy that he needed to leave because "the lady says it's time to go." Then he attempted to take the guy's drink out of his hand. As you can imagine this did not go down well. Punches were thrown but since all involved were drunk, nothing really connected. A small brawl broke out. I got everyone out through separate exits and called the non emergency police number, asking them to drive by and make sure no one hung around and fought. But it ruined my night. It marked the end of my good week and the beginning of a bad one.

Now it is Tuesday afternoon and I cannot shake the funk. Emails are making me grumpy. I'm not feeling like I'm in a good place writing was. And I am so over winter. I'm fucking sick of being cold, of half-melted dirty snow, of the ugly Midwestern winter pall. Yesterday I attempted a bubblebath to lift my mood, but ended up crying because I'd cut jalapenos earlier and the hot water made the burning on my dry, cracked hands start up again and I was just having a total I hate my life moment.

Today was no better, another day of waiting and bad news from a friend. Shortly I'm having my brother over to watch Buffy and Freaks and Geeks and play old video games in hopes of boosting our spirits, but I just needed to make a list of aspirations in hopes that if I look at it tomorrow it will inspire me (as opposed to bring out my pessimistic I will never achieve that side) and the streak of shitty luck will come to an end.

Things I am working to attain:
-Sell another book. A book that will do much better and reach a wider audience than the last two books. A book that will make people want to go back and read the last two books, especially Ballads because I really want to see it have a wider readership.
-Move to Seattle. I can't do Midwestern winter anymore. Give me rain over snow. Give me the beautiful green. Give me my place that inspires rather than depresses.
-Travel abroad. Scotland and Ireland especially. I really must get to those two places as soon as possible.
-Go back to New Orleans. Miss it. 10 years is too long.
-More road trips. Want to drive to the Badlands, also want to drive all of Route 66.
-Bartend by choice instead of out of necessity. So I get to enjoy the company of the customers I love and avoid the douchebags.
-Get some new clothes. It's been awhile.
-Tattoos. I really want to be able to do my big designs soon.
-Sell another book, sell another book, sell another book. Books that mean something. Books that make me proud. Books that have an impact on people.

Okay that's it. And if I look at this tomorrow and am still frustrated... well at least my trip to Seattle is less than a month away.

Sorry this was a lame blog entry. I just needed to vent and daydream.


Jess. said...

There is nothing wrong with venting, or with day dreaming. I feel you. I want out of the Chicago area so bad, I can taste it. But I don't know where I would go.

Cheer up. It's almost over.

Samara said...

I for one am glad you vented! I sure needed it. Writers identifying with fellow writers is a beautiful thing. We have almost the exact same list of goals—sans tattoos (one is enough for me) and bartending. Good luck with book number three, and I'll see you in Seattle!

Natalie (Mindful Musings) said...

Venting is always good! Sometimes just getting thinks off your chest works wonders (and other times, not so much).

Good luck with Book number 3!

Stephanie Kuehnert said...

Thank you all for letting me vent. And Samara, I'm glad you identified, you are right, it is beautiful when writers can identify with each other and I do hope to see you in Seattle someday soon.

Jess, you need to find your Seattle :)

Natalie, thanks for the good luck wishes!

Kay said...

Venting usually helps, so I hope it helped you, and that things are looking better now!
And for the record... Your books already have an impact and they definitely mean something. :)

Punk Rock Girl said...

New Hole song out; that's gotta make something better!

Stephanie Kuehnert said...

Thank you, Kay, that means a lot!

And Punk Rock Girl, yes that definitely brightened my day :)

Jen said...

Seattle would be lucky to have you.

I love it here, and even though I miss snow sometimes, there's nothing better than a really good rain storm. And we have gorgeous summers, springs and autumns. Close to water and lots of trees and mountains. It really is the best of everything.

Ok, enough. Just move here already!

Stephanie Kuehnert said...

Jen, ahhhh so jealous. Yes I love all those things about Seattle and believe me, I will move there as soon as it is feasible!

Aileen said...

I am so jealous with you.. Really i am! :(