I'm doing my Girlfriends Cyber Circuit tour this week so there are a bunch of interviews with me and I'm sharing the links with you if you are interested in checking them out (good questions were asked, it was fun to do) and if you want to spread the word about them, you will earn extra contest entries. So here's today's:
The Ballad of a High School Friendship
We've been through everything
We'll be sisters 'til the end,
What's broken we will mend
Boys will come and boys will go,
just like street cars...
There is a picture that has hung on my wall or sat on my nightstand for fourteen years now. Since my friends may not want themselves plastered on the internet, I've opted not to scan it, but I'll describe it to you. On the far left is Katie. She is fifteen. Her hair is half black and half blond. The look on her face is the look you always get when you take a picture of her: you can't tell if she is smiling or preparing to punch you. I am beside her. My arm flung over her shoulder. I'm wearing the pink and blue striped gloves I wore all the time back then, with the fingers cut off so I can easily light cigarettes or scrawl something down in my notebook. Katie is reaching back to touch my shoulder and squeeze Polly's hand. Polly's on my other side. She's 17. She's wearing a black wool cap and has long black hair. She's smiling in that truly genuine, effusive Polly way. Smiling so wide, she will laugh any second. When I write about real smiles, I always think of hers. Thea is on the far right. She is 15. She has a brown bob and her smile is reflected in her eyes. Thea has the kindest eyes of anyone I know. You can tell she gives the best hugs on the planet just by looking at her.
I'm 16 and it is the fall of my junior year. I know this because of our hairstyles. Soon we will all cut our hair shorter. Katie will go so far as to shave everything but her bangs. Polly will cut off all the black. Sometimes her hair will be brown, sometimes blue. My hair in the photo is long and brown with a blonde streak in it. Soon it will be short and all platinum. I know it is late fall because Katie is in the picture. She got sent to boarding school briefly. But now she is back. This is probably why all of us are smiling under a bright blue sky on what looks to be the perfect fall day. When we were together, we were able to smile despite the Terrible Things that each of us was dealing with on our own.
Katie is, was, and will always be my best friend. I met her for the first time when I was in eighth grade and she was in seventh. We went to different junior highs, but had common friends. We spent one Saturday afternoon at North Riverside Mall together, shoplifting. Yes, I put that in BALLADS OF SUBURBIA. One of very few real life details I fictionalized, but a friendship that starts with shoplifting is just too perfect not to use. Of course I changed a lot about it. She never stole me a necklace for example, but I never forgot her because she was this badass twelve year old Korean girl in an Anthrax t-shirt.
We didn't become close until two years later, when I would meet up with her again; she was the lone tough chick hanging out with a group of boys I'd started hanging with. I can't pinpoint the moment when we became best friends.... Wait maybe I can. Maybe it was when my abusive boyfriend decided I couldn't be friends with her anymore and to rip us apart, he made me give her a stuffed animal of hers that he'd had (they'd dated before) and he'd completely mutilated. There was this look in her eyes when I gave it to her, a look that overshadowed any anger or hurt she might feel, a look that said, "I know you're stuck and I'll back off, but I will be here. I will always be here."
And she was. I don't even remember talking about it, but after Asshole and I broke up, there she was. And she helped me put the pieces together. She was there all the way through my madness, at my absolute craziest when I was talking to fireflies in plastic playground tunnels. And I was there for all her stuff too. Which I won't go into because it's her ballad, not mine, but I'll just say it was capital B Bad. We were the kind of girls who walled off and pushed everyone away... except for each other. Left to our own devices, we probably would have self destructed, but together we put out each other's fires. We survived. More boys would try to come between us, as well as gossip and lies, but we put that bullshit aside.
"Boys will come and boys will go,
Just like street cars..."
Last summer, I saw her for the first time in years at the funeral of a very dear friend. I was afraid to go up to the coffin and say goodbye to him. After I did, I turned around so blinded by pain I couldn't see anything. Except Thea. She hurried toward me and embraced me. She's smaller than me, but I've never felt such strength in a hug as I did in Thea's that day. That's always how her hugs were, propping me up. And she could always make me smile at even my darkest hour, like she did that day, leading me outside to the lawn of the funeral home and offering a flask. "Bourbon?" she asked in her sweet little voice and we all giggled despite our great grief. And we passed the flask and the cigarettes around.
"We'll be sisters 'til the end,
What's broken we will mend"
I don't remember how I met Polly. Most likely through Thea, since Thea and Polly were counterparts in much the same way Katie and I were. Probably at a park, but really it's not important. Once I got to know Polly, I began to fall in love with her like you do with a favorite band or someone you just admire and respect so much. She became my big sister. I'd always wanted an older sister, but never had one. She filled that void. She inspired me to write, to learn, to dream. She was often the only one who could stop me from doing something stupid. She always listened. She always had wisdom. And she was just Polly. She'd chosen her own name. She was completely her own person. In the teenage world where everyone tried to mold themselves to fit, she didn't. She exuded self-confidence (even if she didn't feel like she did).
She went away from us first because she was the oldest. And it hurt really bad. There are raw journal entries about how I miss her and how she's changing and how I just don't understand... But then six months later when I went out on my own, I totally did. Polly was the trailblazer. She still is. She's the only one of us who is a mom and she's amazing at it. In addition, she has an important and often difficult job, working to help the disenfranchised. Her devotion to books, to making the world a better place still inspires me. And when I'm feeling sorry for myself, she still has this keen ability to kick me in the butt and remind me about all the I have going for me. She's every bit the incredible woman I knew she'd grow up to be.
"All I want is you to stand by my side
We've been through everything"
Back in high school, I think we all wondered if we'd ever grow up. I know I did. We went through so much together. Broken homes. Broken hearts. We fell in and out of love. We dated each other's boyfriends (and somehow it was only a little weird). We discovered what it was to be a teenage girl together. We discovered feminism and our own voices. We did 'zines together. Polly and I were the more political ones; like what Lisa Simpson would be if they ever let her be a teenager, riot grrrl Lisa Simpson. Thea was the artist. Katie wrote poems and short pieces thick with imagery, full of hidden meaning. We drank tons of coffee at Denny's. We spent endless hours in parks or on the phone or passing notes that asked for or offered advice. We exposed each other to new music. We planned to start a band but never did. We had those moments where we were so unbelievably close, you couldn't see where one girl ended and another began.
We grew apart. The end of high school/beginning of college time brings growing pains. You don't want to be one with anyone, you want to be you, you, you. I was wild and angry. I drowned myself in the bottom of a bottle. I made mistakes, I lied even to the ones I loved most because I couldn't bear their disapproval. We grew apart, but we found our way back.
Ultimately I think this bit from a poem I wrote about my girls back when I was 16 still rings true:
Each time one of us falls, the others grasp her hand
And nurses her back to life again.
My sweet sisters, separate wounded hearts,
Together they beat loud and strong.
I am girl, I will rebuild, and I am not alone.
Good friendship will help you survive anything. So this ballad is for my girls, all of them, not just my high school girls. Thank you.
+1 for comments on the GCC interviews
+1 for blogging/tweeting about the GCC interviews
Just note your additional entries in your comment. Winner will be chosen at random on Thursday August 13.
Tomorrow, Kay Cassidy, author of The Cinderella Society will be guest-blogging. So please come back to see what she has to say!
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